


Worried It's Not Alright, Holding Back Things You Don't Know

by orphan_account



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Awesome May Parker (Spider-Man), Because Peter Deserves Happiness, But whatever, Crying, Everyone Is Alive, Everyone Needs A Hug, Good Aunt May is Good And Deserves More Love, Happy Trans Boy Peter Parker, He's Just A Good Dad, Idk I'm Not Sure Myself, Infinity War Never Happened?, Just Platonic Feelings By the By, Just... Supportive Avengers Being Supportive For Their Favorite Spider Hero, Literally Tony is The Best Dad, Minus The Superhusbands, Ned Leeds is a Good Bro, No Tony Does Not Get With Either MJ or Peter, Parent Tony Stark, Protective May Parker (Spider-Man), Proud Dad Tony Stark, Sorry Stony Shippers, Superfamily (Marvel), Supportive Avengers, Surgery, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Trans Male Character, Trans Peter Parker, Waiting Rooms, cheesy as hell, either way, top surgery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-06-08 01:19:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15232215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: But, this is for Peter. That’s all he needs to remember. The very reason he woke up at all today is for Peter’s sake, and all of a sudden everything becomes more manageable. Not better necessarily. In fact, nothing changes, he still can't breathe and stop moving. At all. But he knows that he can will himself through this living nightmare if it means Peter comes out of it happy and better. That’s all that matters. Peter will come out of this as good as new, and happier as well. Peter is going to be okay.He’s going to be okay…ORThe one where Peter gets top surgery and while everyone is undoubtedly supportive, they are still scared out of their wits having to wait.





	1. But to Get There Means Crossing A Line

**Author's Note:**

> So I did what every sane, normal and right-in-the-head-writer does... Work on two multiple chapter fanfics at the same time! Wooo ;w; But... yeah. It shouldn't be too long anyway, only like 2 chapters at the least, but I'm not a hundred percent sure. I just really needed to write it lol.  
> Anyway, I'm trying my best to keep in the fact that my little cousin is going to get surgery very soon and it's scaring the living hell out of me every day the date comes closer soooooooo  
> Yeah, I'm venting my emotions on both the Trans Peter Parker tag and the Good Dad Tony tag to help. Annyyyywaaaayyy. Both the title of the story and the title of the first chapter is from "Crossing A Line" by Mike Shinoda. Hope you like it~  
> (Also, please let me know if you catch anything I need to fix, thank you.)

Everything was absolutely suffocating Tony, because that tends to happen when you’re anxiously sitting in a waiting room for roughly four hours; just hating yourself for every minute that ticks by without any word. He hates this, he knows he shouldn’t hate it, but he does. From the steel, chemical smell of the hospital to how the open and rather empty air still feels like cement walls pushing up against Tony’s lungs at every angle. It’s amazing he hasn’t passed out from lack of oxygen honestly, he’s been holding his breath ever since the day started. If there was a hell waiting for Tony, it would be like this. Not to mention, his foot won’t stop tapping at the floor. Despite the many looks of uncomfort and/or irritation from other patients, he just can’t stop it. It’s like everything is going to turn to dust if he stops bouncing his foot up and down on the tiled floor. 

But, this is for Peter. That’s all he needs to remember. The very reason he woke up at all today is for Peter’s sake, and all of a sudden everything becomes more manageable. Not better necessarily. In fact, nothing changes, he still can't breathe and stop moving. At all. But he knows that he can will himself through this living nightmare if it means Peter comes out of it happy and better. That’s all that matters. Peter will come out of this as good as new, and happier as well. Peter is going to be okay.

He’s going to be okay… 

“Uh… Mr. Stark? Are you okay?” Ned was an interesting guy, but he especially was just the nicest dude you’ll ever meet (no wonder Peter and him were best friends.) Which is why Tony was a little more than embarrassed with his reaction.  
“Ah! Jesus fucki- Uh… Oh, Sorry Ned. Did you need something?” Tony asked, trying his best to cover up the obvious scare. Having everything suddenly go from blurry and fuzzy to sharp and real was very off putting okay? Especially when reality likes to repeatedly bring up the fact that your practically-adopted-at-this-point-spider-hero is getting one of the most important surgeries in his life.  
“Oh nothing, sorry to bother you Mr. Stark, I was just wondering if you were okay. You… You uh… Look a little green, to say the least.” Ned said, looking not too good himself. Tony sighed and slightly nodded. This wasn’t just about him. Most everyone that cares about Peter is here. Steve, Nat, Sam, Bucky, Bruce, Wanda, Stephen, Thor. (Hell, even Loki was here for some inexpiable reason, that's how important this was.) All of them were sporting some sort of expression that varied in different arrays of excitement, panic and apprehension all at once. 

Of all people that looked like a complete mess, however, Tony, Ned, May and especially MJ were the ones that had to take the cake on that one. Aunt May had a glazed, off-distance look about her while her hands shook anywhere and everywhere they possibly could shake, Ned looked like he was going to be sick at any sign of trouble at any moment, there was no need for explanation on Tony, and MJ… 

MJ had to be the worst, there was no question about it. Not even Tony could compete; and his anxiety was shooting through the roof and had reached far past the stratosphere at this point. She was completely still with such an unreadable look it was as if her face was more mask than actual face. Tony has known MJ for a while and that she's never been a very emotionally open person before, but this was different. Normally she would express concern in such a cryptic and vague way that only Peter and Ned could decode, but at least she got it out in some way. Now it was like her sense of trepidation was bleeding out of every direction, reaching painfully outward for anyone within reach, and she’s straining herself terribly to keep it all in. Trying not to break. She’s trying to be strong for everyone. 

Tony knows that feeling all too well. He knows how painful that is. 

“MJ?” Tony whispered, trying to grab her attention. When no reply happened, he grew a bit more than just concerned. She did not budge, as if she was stuck somewhere else entirely. Even Ned called out her name and nothing happened. Steve had to lightly tap at her shoulder before she finally snapped out of it.  
“Huh?” She said after slightly jumping out of her seat.  
“Are… You-... How are you holdin’ up kiddo?” Tony asked, not exactly sure how to approach the obvious problem MJ is trying desperately to hold onto.  
“I’m fine.” Her voice was clipped and more void of emotion than usual. A clear sign that she was not in the mood to talk at all. Tony just sighed, lost on how to be of support for the person that clearly needed it most. 

Aunt May though, God bless her soul, was quick to take notice of the issue as well and wrapped an arm around MJ's shoulders.  
“MJ… You can tell us if something’s wrong. We’re all here for you.” She whispered, pulling the girl closer to her. Aunt May was amazing at acting like nothing was wrong when everything was hanging on by a single thread. Probably because she had to do it so many times for Peter in the past. "It's okay Michelle, you can tell us." 

And just like that, MJ had let everything go, so easily too. 

It was strange, seeing how MJ went from inexpressive and as still as a statue to shaking and completely wracked with panic. Like glass had just shattered into pieces.  
“I’m sorry,” MJ shuddered. “I know it’s stupid I just… I can’t help but feel so scared.” 

It was overwhelming really, to have MJ (of all people) express what everyone was thinking.  
“I know it’s scary MJ,” Tony said, standing from his chair to stand next to the girl. “But I’ve made sure to get all the best doctors on it, they will absolutely make sure he’s okay.” Tony said, all while May pulled her into a hug and started to calm her down. Tony had to swallow down a sob of his own. “I promise you that I, nor anyone here for that matter, would never put Peter in danger. He will be perfectly fine MJ, I swear.”  
“I know, it’s just… I can’t help but feel… so… so helpless. Like… if… if something happens I won’t be able to be there, and that… that scares the living shit outta me. I feel like I can't be there for him when he needs someone the most.” MJ admitted and everyone had practically gone more silent than ever. Like all the air was sucked out of the room, no one could make a sound if they wanted to. She had hit the nail on the head exactly, and that was horrifying. 

Everyone in that entire waiting room was utterly helpless. If anything was to go wrong no one could really do anything. They all were stuck in what seemed like an endless nightmare, forced to just sit and wait through something totally out of their control. 

The most everyone could do was just hope they put their trust in the right people.


	2. So I'm Crossing A Line

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I... Uh... Got a little crazy with my Iron Dad Feels so it might seem a little out of character but please be nice. I just really needed happy Trans Peter okay? It was fun to write and that's all that matters. (Be prepared for small, angsty, anxiety ridden Tony thoughts, but they are super small and quickly taken care of I swear!)  
> Also, I'm thinking of writing a sort of epilogue thing? (If works with only two chapters are even allowed to have an epilogue??) I'm not quite sure though. I just sort of want to bring up the topic of Peter's post-op scars with supportive Avenger family and what not. So, please let me know if you would like to see that.  
> Other than that, please let me know if you spot an issue in the story. Thank you, I love you all~ Have fun.   
> (Chapter title is still from 'Crossing A Line' by Mike Shinoda btw)

“‘Scuse me? Miss Parker?” 

Whoever it was that had to send the nurse out to get Peter’s Aunt clearly had not prepared her for the possibility of a hoard of people, most of which being the Avengers mind you, to stand and practically run her over with a mountain of questions. Poor woman looked almost translucent she had gone so pale with the surprise. She looked so lost too, trying her best to smoothly get through to everyone’s racing questions overlapping each other, but drowning in them instead. It took both Thor and Steve to calm everyone down. (‘Everyone’ mostly being Nat. It looked like she was ready to pull out a knife and start slashing away at the doors to get through, Tony had never felt more scared of her in his life; and he’s had to have one-on-one training with her before.)  
“Well,” the nurse said, shivering just a little less than before. “I think you all will be incredibly happy to know that Peter’s surgery went very well and he seems to be doing just fine... More than fine really, he heals really quickly.” 

The relief that flooded throughout the group was enough to almost knock down the entire building, hand to God. It was like the entire waiting room just popped like a bubble and everyone could find the room to finally breathe again after being rid of it for too long. Tony swears up and down that Sam had grown misty eyed, but because he pride’s his life more, he’s decided to never bring it up. 

“Oh my god…” MJ said breathlessly, rapidly wiping away the tears that flew passed her cheeks. “Oh my god,” she repeated, giving up on her tears and hid her face in her hands instead. Tony smiled, resting a hand on her shoulders. She was shaking like an earthquake was going off beneath her feet, not that anyone could blame her. Everyone was probably feeling the same way.   
“You okay kid?” MJ just nodded in reply, and that was more than enough for Tony. 

The waiting was over with, and not only that, Peter was okay. It was all over. Everyone doesn’t have to sit and watch as their worry would chew through their skin anymore.   
“Is there any way we could see him?” Tony asked what everyone was thinking, pushing through everyone to get to the woman.  
“He’s probably just gotten his compression vest now, actually. Follow me,” the nurse said with a clipped sort of excitement in her voice. Needless to say, May, MJ and Nat practically had to be held by the collar just to keep from running over more than one person.   
“Thank you, by the way, for taking care of peter.” Tony said as the nurse walked them through the halls.   
“Oh please, there’s no need for thanks. You should have seen the way he looked when he first woke up. The way his face lit up when he looked down and saw… I can’t even put it into words, he was so happy. You should be proud Mr. Stark, very proud. Peter really is unlike anyone I’ve ever met.” 

Tony was left speechless, as to be expected. As it’s not everyday a random nurse just nonchalantly reminds you that someone you hold very dearly has hit at an exceptional moment in his life.   
“Well, er- thank you.” was all Tony could think of to say as they stopped in front of a room.   
“No problem Mr. Stark,” she smiled and opened the door. “Mr. Parker? There are a few people here to see you.” 

The nurse was barely given any time to move out of the way before everyone was shamelessly piling themselves into Peter's hospital room. They of course swept Peter up into a wave of support and tears of joy, mostly support. Which was nice, but also hilarious to watch as Peter’s brain was given a total of two seconds to process everything booming all around him. Tony was pretty sure there was steam coming out of his ears as he watched every single Avenger he’s ever glanced at make absolute fools of themselves by screaming how much they love him. Of course though, the boisterous party of hyper family members was calmed down as May made her way to Peter. Now Tony didn’t know exactly what the parting of the red sea looked like, but he’s pretty sure it was something similar to this. 

Everyone had gone quiet and nodded politely as May made her way past everyone. Not a single person stood persistent, because if there was anyone who deserved to be in Peter’s face more than ever right now, it of course had to be May. The woman had gone through hell and high water for this kid and did it with a smile all the while. It was amazing she still had a functioning nervous system at this point.   
“How are you Peter? Does anything hurt? Are you okay?” She started spitting out questions at a rapid pace all while grabbing hold of Peter’s face and turning him in every direction to check for any hint of an issue.   
“I’m fine Aunt May, I swear.” Peter laughed, growing very red. “I’m fine.” He kept repeating it until May finally believed him.  
“You’re… You’re okay.” She whispered, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Oh my god, you're okay!" She cried, wrapping her arms around his neck.   
“Woah, what’s wrong? What’s with the water works?”  
“I’m just… so proud of you,” she sniffled and pulled away from the hug, wiping away her tears. Peter smiled, squeezing May's arm reassuringly. 

“How does it feel Peter?” MJ ask, rushing over to Peter’s side and intertwining her hand into his.   
“It’s… It’s awesome.” Peter said, his eye’s going noticeably watery.   
“Don’t give me that look, or I’m gonna start crying.” MJ bit at her cheek and shoved Peter’s arm.   
“Oh man, sorry, I wasn’t aware my feelings were getting in the way.” Peter joked, pulling MJ and May into a hug. "Why are you shaking so much?" His question was muffled through MJ hair.   
"I'm just so happy, you idiot." She cried, and everyone was quick to invade; crowding themselves into a group hug big enough to hide Peter from the mounds of superheroes. 

Tony lingered behind, not exactly sure where he fit in all of this. He didn't want to intrude in on something he possibly didn't want to be invited in. (A voice in the back of his head keep screaming how stupid that logic is, but his consistent anxiety just proves to be the winner in all arguments. Logic or not.) So, he just opted to watch from the sides as Peter, and the family around him, gushed about his new surgery. 

There really were no words to describe what Tony was feeling. It was like someone had opened a window in Peter’s life to let the sun shine brighter than before. The entire room was just glowing with pride in itself. You could turn off all the lights, and you could still see everyone’s delight from miles away. He had more light to guide him through more open doors, and the more this drags on the cheesier this gets, but whatever. It was nice to feel something other than worry today. 

Eventually the group parted and Tony was able to see Peter again without a pair of arms around him. His eyes were red and puffy, but his smile looked more authentic than ever. Not a single bit of force had to be use, Tony had forgotten what that looked like on him. Peter seemed more like himself then he had since… well, since literally forever.   
“Hey Mr. Stark.” Peter laughed, holding back more tears threatening to fall. Tony didn’t even bother replying. He just smiled and was across the room before he even knew what he was doing. Peter had wrapped his arms around Tony so tightly it would be surprising if his Arc Reactor was still in one piece, not that Tony could complain. He was too busy crying into Peter’s shoulder to do that.   
“Thank you so much Mr. Stark.” Peter said, his voice cracking with sobs of his own.   
“I’m so proud of you kid. I’m so proud.” Tony kept repeating through the little bubbles of snivels. 

Most of the time he just muffled everything in Peter’s t-shirt. Not the most put together Tony has been, but there’s certainly been worse. Plus, this was Peter for god's sake. Tony couldn't hide himself from the kid if he wanted to. He was too thrilled for Peter to do that to him. 

The world wasn’t going to be perfect after this, it wasn’t all happiness and smiles. It might never be perfect. There were still going to be mornings of choking silence from a dysphoric Peter, minutes that would stretch into hours as Peter would have to force himself through future testosterone shots, and there was still much guilt and uneasiness to pass through therapy. Tony was very much aware of this, but that was okay. They all got to a start in Peter's life. A start that would eventually lead to a Peter that gets excited every morning without breaking streak. They've gone through hell to get here and they ended up okay. They were going to be okay. 

This surgery may have been something small for the rest of the world, but it was incredibly immense for Peter. 

And it meant the world to Tony.


End file.
